PreachingPoint Alabama Baptist State Board of Missions Sermons Illustrations
Friday, May 18, 2012
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April Fool

Only two percent of Americans farm, but these folk are so productive that they feed the world.

The farmers I know are fine people, but Jesus told a familiar story in Luke 12 about a farmer who was a fool.

This man’s crops brought forth abundantly and he wouldn’t have to work for a long time. His only problem was warehousing since there was no room for his crop. He determined to tear down his barns, build bigger ones and enjoy his wealth.

This man’s perspective was wrong in two ways.

First, he was short-sighted. He believed he was the master of his destiny. In the story he used “my” five times, not realizing that everything we have is on loan from God.

The Bible teaches stewardship. This means that we are only temporary custodians of what God gives us and one day we’ll give account to him (Romans 14:12).

Nor did this man consider death. He presumed he’d live to a ripe, old age enjoying his money. But death comes to all, and we most often don’t know when it will come. The Arabs have a proverb: “Death is a black camel which kneels at the gates of all.”

Second, he was selfish. The farmer was more concerned about empty barns than empty stomachs. He was more concerned about stowing up than bestowing on others.

He was like Edith in the children’s story: “Edith lived in a little world, bounded on the north, east, south and west by Edith.”

It’s interesting that our world would call this farmer a hero! The bumper sticker motto many live by is “the one who dies with the most toys wins.” So we spend our lives accumulating stuff.

The Self Storage Association reports that one out of 11 Americans rent storage, and 50 percent of these store items that won’t fit in their houses. And now there’s even a new industry called “cloud computing” whereby we can rent servers to store music and files that overrun our personal computers.

We Americans are pretty adept at accumulating stuff, but Jesus said things do not make life worthwhile (Luke 12:15).

Swedish industrialist Alfred Nobel woke one day in 1888 to read his own obituary! The newspaper made a mistake since it was Nobel’s brother, Ludvig, who died. Nobel was shocked to see he was remembered as a merchant of death because he invented dynamite in 1867. It was a wake-up call for him and he set about changing his obituary. We remember him now for the Nobel Peace Prize.

The life-altering choices we make today will affect the measure of our lives and the confidence we’ll have when we meet God face-to-face.

From and email by Michael J. Brooks
Michael J. Brooks, is the Associate Professor of Speech & Journalism, Assistant to the President for Public Relations, Judson College, www.judson.edu Follow us on Twitter or fan us on Facebook
Herbert Hoover
Rightly or not, President Herbert Hoover shouldered blame for the Great Depression. Historians say he did all he could, but neither he nor Congress really knew what to do. He was the Republican nominee for re-election, but was soundly defeated by Democrat F.D.R. The relationship between Hoover and Roosevelt was one of the most severely strained in Presidential history.
 
One day in 1945 President Harry Truman (a democrat who became president at Rosevelt's death) learned that Hoover was in Washington, so he called and invited him to visit and sent a driver to retrieve him. Truman asked Hoover to survey world food supplies and was surprised when Hoover wept.
 
“Mr. President,” Hoover said, “since 1932 no one has asked me to do anything for my country. You are the first one.”
 
Truman appointed Hoover to a commission to reorganize the executive branch in 1947, and the panel elected Hoover chair. President Eisenhower appointed Hoover to a similar commission in 1953.
From and email by Michael J. Brooks
Michael J. Brooks, is the Associate Professor of Speech & Journalism, Assistant to the President for Public Relations, Judson College, www.judson.edu
 
Washed in the blood of Christ! 
“One Christmas we had a tree which we trimmed on Christmas eve. The whole lighting effect was to be accomplished with red bulbs, and, when our work was finally done, we turned out all the other lights in the room so that   the bulbs on the tree should give out the only illumination.  We saw a starting thing!  Near the base of the tree was a poinsettia plant, having some red flowers and some white ones.  When the other lights were turned out and the red turned on, it was absolutely impossible to determine which of the poinsettia flowers had red petals and which had white – they were all white in the red light.  What a perfect illustration that was of what happens to our sins when they are washed in the blood of Christ!  They may be as scarlet, but when the red of Christ’s shed blood is applied they become as white as snow.”
Source: E. Schuyler English, Publication office "Our hope" (A.C. Gaebelein, inc.),
What difference does a father make?
Several years ago, a team of New York state sociologists attempted to calculate the influence of a father's life upon his family and future generations. The study included two men from the eighteenth century, Jonathan Edwards and Max Jukes.
 

Max Jukes rejected Christianity. He chose a life of unprincipled behavior and crime. Among his 1,200 descendants were:

  • 440 lives of outright debauchery
  • 310 paupers and vagrants
  • 190 public prostitutes
  • 130 convicted criminals
  • 100 alcoholics
  • 60 habitual thieves
  • 55 victims of impurity
  • 7 murderers

The research team concluded that not one of Max Jukes known relatives ever made a significant contribution to society. This notorious family cost the state of New York $1,200,000.

Jonathan Edwards is regarded as one of the most brilliant an influential men of American history. He was a gifted pastor and exceptional theologian. Edwards’ preaching ignited the flame that led to the Great Awakening, and he later served as the president of Princeton College. Among his male descendants were:

  • 300 clergymen, missionaries, or theology professors
  • 120 college professors
  • 60 doctors
  • 60 authors
  • 30 judges
  • 14 college presidents
  • Numerous giants of American industry
  • 3 U. S. congressmen
  • 1 vice-president of the United States
Source: Steve Lawson, The Legacy, (Sisters, Multnomah Books, 1998), p.13.
From Steve Andrews, LifeWay.com
God Bless Miss California

“Miss California,” Carrie Prejean, was asked about her views on gay marriage by one of the judges at the recent Miss USA Pageant on April 19.

This is certainly a no-win topic in our politically-charged environment, and a question requiring more than 30 seconds to answer.

It’s less controversial to talk about “world peace” or “save the whales”!

Prejean upheld the traditional view of marriage.

Speaking in her home town church on April 26, Prejean said the pageant pressured her to apologize. According to the website news.sawf.org, she quoted officials who said, "You need to apologize to the gay community. You need to not talk about your faith. This has everything to do with you representing California and saving the brand.”

Prejean is to be commended for her courage. Whereas she didn’t mention her faith in response to this question, she’s talked about it quite openly since.

And it’s interesting that Prejean voiced the majority view of her state. Californians passed “Proposition 8” last November which amended the state constitution and forbids gay marriage.

The evangelical church cannot deal with this issue in a 30-second sound bite, but we do speak clearly two principles.

First, the church upholds the so-called traditional view of marriage (as does the Islamic faith). Marriage is a commitment of one man and one woman for one lifetime.

God performed the first marriage ceremony and emphasized its “leaving” and “cleaving” aspect. The man and woman leave their family of origin, as demonstrated in the “giving away of the bride,” and they “cleave” to one another until death parts them (Gen. 2:24).

Second, the church and her God, offer grace to all.

The standard is in place, but not all meet the standard. We’re fallible human beings. We need forgiveness when we don’t measure up.

I attended a wedding in which the minister talked about the sanctity of marriage, and then said that if Sam and Sue later decided that their union was a mistake and dissolved it, all who love them will continue to love them.

Of course this is true, but how ludicrous to lower the standard in a ceremony that’s supposed to uplift the standard!

What consenting adults do in privacy is beyond our concern for we don’t see ourselves as moral police. But the church holds to a public standard for marriage believing that a high standard lifts society higher.

And to the homosexual community the church offers another way.

Paul noted in 1 Corinthians 6 that some in the church came from the homosexual lifestyle—“and such were some of you,” he said—but that was past tense. They’d made commitments to Christ that radically affected the whole of their lives.

The God who created the world is fully capable of changing the lives of all who believe.
Used by permission from Michael J. Brooks
Michael J. Brooks, is the Associate Professor of Speech & Journalism, Assistant to the President for Public Relations, Judson College, www.judson.edu
Jay Walking with Pinocchio and the whale
Jay Leno does a "man-on-the-street" interview, and one night he asked some young people questions about the Bible. Leno asked a young man , "According to the Bible, who swallowed by a whale?" The confident answer was, "Pinocchio." Unfortunately, some church members are just as clueless about the book of Jonah.
From "The Tonight Show."

Billy Graham, his daughter and his aid were in London just leaving their hotel.  They passed a very handsome, familiar looking man coming through the door.  Dr. Graham recognized him immediately as Hugh O'Brian, an actor who had starred in the Wyatt Earp television series. Dr. Graham struck out his hand as he greeted him with, "Hugh, it's good to see you again." Mr. O'Brian recognized Dr. Graham and they stood briefly to chat. Dr. Graham introduced Mr. O'Brian to his daughter and his aid who had heard only the name "Hugh" and with his face wreathed in smiles, he responded, "it's nice to meet you, Mr. Hefner!"  

After the group went their way the only way the aid knew he had seen Hugh O'Brian (and not Hugh Hefner founder of the Playboy empire) was because Graham told later told the aid it was O'Brian. The aid had seen Hugh O'Brian; he didn't recognize him for who he really was.  

Is it possible to see Jesus and not know it like Mary Magdalene at the garden tomb on Easter morning? Sometimes we need help. Someone to nudge us and whisper, "look, He's here. Right over there."
The Church's Main Business
Dr. Jerry Vines, Pastor Emeritus, First Baptist Church, Jacksonville, Florida, shares the following in his sermon titled “The Church’s Main Business”:
“I read an interesting article about the head coaches at the University of Georgia and Florida State—Mark Richt and Bobby Bowden.

Richt, who is a fine young Christian coach, told about how when he was on the coaching staff of Bobby Bowden, one of the players on the team died.  Coach Bowden called the team and coaches together and shared with them how they could be saved.  He asked, ‘If that boy had been you, would you be in heaven or hell now?’  Mark Richt said that was the day he received Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior.”
PREACHING WITH PASSION: Sermons from the Heart of the Southern Baptist Convention, Editor:  James T. Draper, Jr., Copyright © 2004 by Broadman & Holman Publishers.  All rights reserved.  Database © 2004 WORDsearch Corp.
Fatal fight
An outdoor magazine had a picture of two huge, beautiful trophy mule deer that had died horrible deaths. The deer were powerful, majestic animals---the kind every hunter dreams about. In spite of their enormous size, tremendous strength and mystifying speed they died miserably. The two deer had gotten into a fight, locked horns and could not get free. They died after a long miserable struggle.
 
I'm finding a lot of people who have locked horns with someone and as a result, they are dying a slow, bitter, agonizing death.
Death by anger
I recently heard of a man who enjoyed perfect health; his heart and blood pressure were fine. then one day his father died. From that moment on there was a prolonged dispute between this man and his sister over the estate. The dispute finally ended in court, where the sister won.
 
The man could not get over this. He couldn't think of anything else but the dispute, the court case and his sisters victory. With each day his hatred grew until it was an obsession. 
 
One day he was hospitalized with heart problems. Shortly thereafter his kidneys failed. Before long he died of multiple health complications.
 
Commenting on the case his medical physician said, "It is obvious he died from bodily injury wrought by powerful emotions."
Overcoming hate
Two families lived on adjoining farms in the hills of Kentucky. They had been quarreling for years.
 
The feud started when Grandfather Smith's cow jumped over a stone fence and got into Grandfather Brown's corn. Grandfather Brown shot the cow. 
 
In retaliation for shooting their cow, one of the Smith boys shot and killed two of the Brown boys.
 
The third Brown boy swore vengeance for his two dead brothers, but before he could shoot any of the smiths he was called away to war and had to leave his family behind. While he was away his family suffered much hardship. The only living man was away fighting on foreign soil.
 
While he was away the Smiths went to church one Sunday and Mr. Smith got saved and immediately felt guilty for having shot two of the Brown boys. He prayed and then determined to help the Browns by hiring a boy to take a basket of food to their home everyday. 
 
Finally Mr. Brown returned from war. He decided to find out who had been so generously kind to his family while he was away. When he discovered it had been his long time enemy Mr. Smith, he went to thank him. 
 
The long time feud finally ended when someone decided to make restitution for the wrong he had done.
Here's a "golden rule" for leaders:
"Treat others as they would like to be treated."
Submitted by Franklin L. Kirksey
More advice for leaders:
"Help at least five people every day. Generosity of time and talent is crucial for effective leadership, as is the willingness to forgive."
Source: "Bottom Line: Personal," January 1999, p. 1.,
Submitted by Franklin L. Kirksey
Good music 
A little boy accompanied his parents to church one Sunday. After the service, his parents asked him how he had liked it. "Well," said the lad, "the music was just fine, but I thought he could have shortened the commercial a whole lot."
Source: A Treasury of Religious Humor, ed by James Myers, p. 67.
Submitted by Franklin L. Kirksey
Old fashioned belief
"I am old-fashioned enough to believe that...
  • "If Enoch walked with God, so can I;
  • If God could speak to Abraham, he can speak to me;
  • If Samuel could hear the voice of God, so can I;
  • If the prophets could lift Him up, so can I."
Source: Lawson H. Cooke, Southern Baptist Theological Seminary chapel address, 2/1949.
Submitted by Franklin L. Kirksey
Written On Their Faces
In one of his booklets, Adrian Rogers tells of some gold prospectors who discovered an exceptionally rich mine. One of them said, "Hey, we've got it made as long as we don't tell anybody else before we stake our claims." So they each vowed to keep the secret. Because they had to have more tools and provisions, they headed for town. After buying all the supplies they needed, they hurried back to the mine site. But they weren't alone. A crowd of people followed them because their discovery was written all over their faces. What happens on the inside shows on the outside. Joyful Christians with the light of God on their faces are needed in the darkness of this world.
Submitted by Franklin L. Kirksey
Victims Of Vanity
Some men die by shrapnel, Some go down in flames. But most men perish inch by inch playing little games.
Lacking One Thing
A young artist had toiled and struggled in his work upon a piece of statuary, until at last the block of marble which held his thoughts imprisoned had given way to the statue of an angel which appeared quite perfect to the beholder. The young artist wished the criticism of those of greater renown than himself, so he sent an invitation to Michael Angelo among others. The young artist had hidden himself behind a screen, and wanted to hear the criticism of his friends without being seen. When Angelo came to look the work over most carefully he was heard to say to one of his friends standing near: "It lacks one thing." The poor artist was well nigh brokenhearted as he heard this criticism. He hurried away from his studio and refused either to eat or to sleep, and at last one of his friends made his way into Angelo's presence to ask what it was that the statue lacked. "Man," said Angelo, "it lacks only life. If it had only life, it would have been perfect as God Himself could have made it." This is the picture of the man who is without Christ. He has many things to commend himself to the world; his disposition may be good, and his character may be beautiful, but if he lacks eternal life, he lacks everything.
Not Funny At All
G. Campbell Morgan, in his book "How to Live," told about a conversation he had after he finished preaching one evening. A man approached Morgan to tell him he had invited a fellow employee, one with whom he had worked for 5 years, to attend the service. He then said, "My suggestion came as quite a surprise to my friend. He responded to my invitation by saying, 'Are you a Christian?' And when I answered, 'Yes, I am,' he replied, 'Well, I am too!' Here we had worked beside each other for years, and we never knew that we were both believers in Christ. Wasn't that funny?" To the man's surprise, Morgan retorted, "Funny? No, it isn't funny at all! You both need to be born again." It was inconceivable to Morgan that two men could be truly saved and work side-by-side for 5 years and not be aware of their kinship as brothers in Christ.  
Lost In The Dark
Instead of trusting Christ, modern-day thinkers insist on using human wisdom alone for answers to eternal questions. The tragedy of this situation was graphically illustrated in a humorous skit performed by Karl Vallentin, a Munich comedian. Walking on a stage where everything was dark except for a small area under a street lamp, he began to look for something on the ground. He told the policeman who came on the scene that he was trying to find a key, whereupon the two continued the search. Finally the officer asked, "Are you sure you lost it here?" "Oh, no," said Vallentin as he pointed to a corner, "It was over there, but here is where the light is!"
Responsibility  
Brenda Goodine shares a story about her friend who decided to talk to her bright four-year-old son, Benji, about receiving Christ. “Benji,” she asked quietly, “would you like to have Jesus in your heart?” Benji thought for a few minutes and then rolling his blue eyes answered, “No. I don't think I want the responsibility.” 
Benji realized what many Christians still have not figured out: salvation is a free gift but it comes with some strings attached. Service is not an option for a follower of Jesus – it is a natural outgrowth of our relationship with Christ. Are you serving the Lord?
Submitted by Jerry Watts
Where you are going
There is an old Irish toast we need to remember: "May you have the hindsight to know where you have been, the foresight to know where you are going, and the insight it know when you're going too far." Wise is the leader who knows when he is going too far.
Paul W. Powell, {Basic Bible Sermons on Handling Conflict, }(Nashville: Broadman Press, 1992) 41
Submitted by Jerry Watts
Surrendered his crown
George III of England, America’s enemy in the Revolutionary War, felt terrible about the loss of the colonies. It was said, in fact, that for the rest of his life, he could not say the word “independence” without tripping over it. He was an odd duck in many ways, but he had good insights. When the fighting in America stopped, King George and all his royal cronies in Europe were sure that George Washington would have himself crowned “Emperor of the New World.” That’s what they would have done. When he was told, on the contrary, that Washington planned to surrender his military commission and return to farming at Mt. Vernon, George III said, “Well, if he does that, he will be the greatest man in the world.”
There is power in giving up power, in emptying oneself. Jesus knew it, Pilate didn’t.
Jesus wins, Pilate loses.
William R. Boyer, A CONFUSION OF THE HEART
-Submitted by Jerry Watts
Joan of Arc
As musket balls and canon balls flew, and the 15th Century French Army prepared to retreat before the dominance of the English one more time, the visionary Joan of Arc prepared to scale the enemy’s wall with a shield of faith and her sacred sword. An officer bellowed out, “Don’t go over the wall. No one will follow you!” The teenage peasant girl, strengthened by her faith in a mighty God, replied, “I’m not going to be looking to see if anyone is following me. I’m going over the wall.”
-Submitted by Jerry Watts
I know where he's going
Matthew Henry went to London, met a young lady of the nobility, who was also wealthy, and they fell in love. She went to ask her father if she could marry him and he said, "He's got no background, you don't know where he's come from." She said, "Yes, I know, but I know where he's going and I want to go with him."
-Submitted by Jerry Watts
Being hounded
Paul Harvey told a story about an attractive airline stewardess who was being hounded by two flirts – one at the front of the plane, the other at the back. She was obviously very put-off by the very forward advances being made by the two men, but she kept right on doing her job. Near the end of the flight one of the men became particularly bold and as the plane was about to land he handed her a key to his apartment and the address and said, "See you tonight." So she took them, then she walked to the back of the plane, handed them to the other flirt, winked and said, "Don’t be late." Later on that evening I bet there were two very disappointed men in some apartment somewhere.
-Submitted by Jerry Watts
Golden Rule
I am sure that all of us have shopped at J.C. Penney at some time or other, but I want to tell you something that you probably did not know about Penney’s. It used to be known as “the Golden Rule store”. In fact, when Mr. Penney first started, his first several stores were called that.
Mr. Penney did not like to use the word “employee.” He called those that worked for him, “Associates”. He treated them just as well as he would like to be treated, too. He was able to take a general store in 1902, and build it into a multi-billion dollar business, because he actually lived the Golden Rule.
Mr. Penny tried his best to always treat people like he wanted to be treated. He treated them with love, respect, kindness, understanding and encouragement.
-Submitted by Jerry Watts
The Danger of Christian Complacency
 
"Mark what I say. If you want to do good in these times, you must throw aside indecision, and take up a distinct, sharply-cut, doctrinal religion. If you believe little, those to whom you try to do good will believe nothing. The victories of Christianity, wherever they have been won, have been won by distinct doctrinal theology; by telling men roundly of Christ's vicarious death and sacrifice; by showing them Christ's substitution on the cross, and His precious blood; by teaching them justification by faith, and bidding them believe on a crucified Savior; by preaching ruin by sin, redemption by Christ, regeneration by the Spirit; by lifting up the brazen serpent; by telling them to look and live-to believe, repent, and be converted. This-this is the only teaching which for centuries God had honored with success, and is honoring at the present day both at home and abroad.
 
It is doctrine-doctrine, clear, ringing doctrine which, like the ram's horn at Jericho casts down the opposition of the devil and sin. Let us cling to decided doctrinal views, whatever some may please to say in these times, and we shall do well for ourselves, well for others, and well for Christ's cause in the world."
-J. C. Ryle, The Danger of Christian Complacency
Submitted by Franklin Kirksey
A Veteran
A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to The United States of America for an amount of up to and including his/her life.
Against the Current
Go for a swim out in the ocean. Float and try to stay still. Watch the shore. You will notice that you are drifting. It is hard to notice at first, but there is a current. You have to swim against it to try to stay in one place. Soon you notice that the current is strong and fighting it is tiring. There is a current in our culture.
Submitted by Rick Lance
Die Like You're Living
"When my brother-in-law, Jim, was 18, he was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor and told he only had a few months to live. The Lord had other plans though, and following treatment, Jim lived a full life for the next 22 years. In the summer of 2004, the tumor unexpectedly returned, and in time it became clear that medical treatments weren't going to save him. Again he was told that only a few short months remained. This time it was true.
 
At his memorial service, the pastor gave friends and family an opportunity to people to speak about Jim. One by one, people shared brief stories they remembered. And like colors being added to a canvas, a portrait began to emerge.
 
There were stories about the many mission trips Jim had taken, including tough ones I would've shied away from, such as street witnessing at Spring Break and Mardi Gras. Memories of stopping on road trips and waiting for Jim to finish talking about the Lord with a stranger he'd befriended. Stories of going on a walk with Jim just weeks before he died and having him break down in tears of concern over three friends he'd been praying would come to know Jesus.
 
One simple but profound observation summed things up: "Jim was a brother to anyone who needed one, and a friend to anyone who wanted one."
 
Reflecting later I thought, "That's exactly what Jim would've wanted his memorial service to be like." Even as we remembered his past, the memories he left with us kept pointing us toward his future.
 
Another funeral observation took longer for me to absorb. Evidently, when Jim was told he only had a couple months left, he didn't make any significant life adjustments. Think about that. If you only had two months left in this life, would you spend it living exactly like you are now? Would next weekend resemble this past one if you only had a handful of weekends left? In Jim's case, his daily life was already tuned to the frequency of the priorities that defined him, so there was little to change."
Mark Biller, Sound Mind Investing 
The New Year's Ball Drop
The custom of slowly lowering a ball to mark the stoke of midnight at the the lowest point is rooted in an old navy.navy practice. The flagship would slowly lower a large ball to mark the stroke of noon. The descent was initiated just before noon and reached the bottom at exactly noon. All the ships in the fleet would then reset their clocks so that they were precisely synchronized with that of the admiral.
The Power of Knowing Scripture: Acts 2:38
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled ... "Stop! Acts 2:38!" "Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven."
 
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he was curious and asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you." "Scripture?!" replied the burglar. I will be darned if that's so, she said she had an Ax and Two 38's!"
Don't Forget the Main Thing!
I came across a story about Grandma Ruby who decided that buying presents for all of her family and friends was a bit much at Christmas now that she was in her 90’s. So this year she wrote out checks for all of them to put in their Christmas cards. In each card she carefully wrote, “Buy your own present” and then sent them off. After the Christmas festivities were over, she found the checks under a pile of papers on her desk. So everyone on her gift list had received a beautiful Christmas card from her with the words “Buy your own present” written inside – without the check!
Medical missionary named Dr. Paul White who served in East Africa. He told the story of one Christmas Eve on the mission field when all the national Christians had come to the hospital to use the ironing board, wanting to press their old clothes and rags.  A long line formed outside the ironing room.  One young man was wearing little more than a castoff apron, and Dr. White asked him, “What are you up to?” Cheerfully, the man replied, “Christmas tomorrow, Bwana (an East African term of respect). We’ve got to look our best.  We are ironing our clothes.  Behold, it is our Savior’s birthday.  We want to look our best to honor Him.”
 In a “Peanuts” cartoon, Lucy asks Charlie Brown, “Why are we here on Earth?” Charlie replied, “To make other people happy.” Lucy replied, “Then why are they here?”
Someone has observed that there are three types of people: those who make things happen; those who watch things happen; and the overwhelming majority who have no idea what is happening.
Jesus is Watching You
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you."
 
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.
 
The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
 
"Yes", said the parrot.
 
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot, "What's your name?"
 
"Moses," said the bird.
 
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "Who named you Moses?"
 
The parrot said, "The same person who named the Doberman Jesus."
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